my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
