i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
