Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
