I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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