the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
