Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
