This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
