just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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