Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
