It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
