if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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