He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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