omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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