I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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