can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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