Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
