It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
