just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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