I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
