I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
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I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
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But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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