I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
