I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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