Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
