It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
