I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
