I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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