Already got asked if we're dating
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
