He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
