He is an equal opportunity slut.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
