mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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