She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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