i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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