I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I see more hoeing in ur future
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