Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
