I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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