Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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