Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
