I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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