Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
