I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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