He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
