Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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