Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
