i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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