i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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