I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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