I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
