im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
