dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
