Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
