You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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