Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
