The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
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i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
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Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize