lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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