i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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