i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
