i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
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