Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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