I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
my liver is dry heaving
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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