I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
