If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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