i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
