i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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