awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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