I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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