Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
