Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
