I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
