There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
