I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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