i don't like sucking hair
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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