I CAN MOONWALK!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
