I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I need to calm my uterus...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
