Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
