4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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