i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
