A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
