Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
