Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
